you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
