He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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