she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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