I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
