I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
