if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
