please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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