dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
