Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
