that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
