Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
