My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
