Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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