I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
