so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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