Swine flu. Run for my life!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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