We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
