i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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