I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
