Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
