Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
