I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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