Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
