Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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