My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
