I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
