I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Randomize
