I think my fart just growled at me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
