420 ftw
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
