my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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