It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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