piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
