a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
