pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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