Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
