please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
