Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
