I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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