at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
