He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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