HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
