Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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