the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
