I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
