I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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