Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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