Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
