She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
