I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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