Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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